So I guess it's every two years. I am not so sad. I have been to the deepest parts of my soul and back again. I have, finally? come to a place of moderate acceptance. He got married to his world of warcraft girlfriend.
ok, let me start from the beginning.
After we legally divorced, the EX decided to quit his wonderful job with people who genuinely cared about him, and wanted him to succeed. He thought this meant he didn't have to pay us anything, but that's a whole other issue and I'm over it. He moved to Arizona to live with his mother. She has always hated me and thought that he had never done anything wrong and could never do anything wrong. WELL, she actually called me while he was staying with her, not exactly sure why, maybe she was trying to apologise? She did admit that he was a totally different person, which I had been trying to tell everyone all along, but ok. Well she kicked him out, huge surprise. Then he lived with a series of relatives, ending up with his half-brother who lives about an hour from us. During this whole time he made no attempt to contact the kids, or see them. While he was with his brother, he still didn't see the kids, except for about 45mins at Christmas when he came to my parents' house. Then he all of a sudden meets this woman on World of Warcraft (you have no idea how hard it was for me to capitalize that), and he's moving to Texas to live with her. Just so you know we're nowhere near Texas, I'm sure it's lovely. As far as I, and child support recovery services know he hasn't had a job since living there, but is still collecting from the VA. He has filed for bankruptcy, not sure what he owed money on, a car maybe. He has resumed paying a little bit (he took us to court to have that recalculated based on the fact that he's not working). And finally he married her this spring at some point, he didn't even tell the children exactly when. A few weeks ago they came for a weekend, TWO WHOLE DAYS! He seems clean, if not completely changed from the man I married 14 years ago. She's a little weird, but that's cool, I am too. The whole situation sent me into a bit of a tailspin.
I started school in May. I've finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. I'm going to be a real life nurse. Then I'm going to be a nurse practitioner. I'm going to be like a doctor or something. I love being in school. I am too hard on myself and I get too anxious but I really do like it. The structure is good, working a weird schedule job was not working for me. I also need to do something that will actually let me be independent and support us. I'm not going to find a perfect person. I don't need to find a perfect person, or any person at all. I'm good. I'm lonely, but good. I genuinely love who I am, and I haven't been able to say that before.
This post reads like a white trash facebook feed, sorry, my life took a turn. I'm still righting the ship. It's taking longer than I want it to. I'm impatient, I'm in mourning, I'm optimistic, I'm scared. The kids continue to grow. The baby isn't a baby anymore. The little boy is becoming a man. The little girlie is figuring out how to stand in her newfound genius. more on them later. this one was about me
xo
